"You don't have to talk about the parts?!?!" What the hey, Obama? I thought we were progressing?
The website 4parents.gov seems to do everything it can to avoid talking about "the parts." There is a lot about how to be an active listener, sharing your values and expectations for your child, and the importance of staying involved and setting boundaries. The information there is decent (for the most part), but what's not there leaves a void for parents who want help talking to their children about all of the dimensions of responsible sexual decision-making.
Contraception is not explicitly mentioned anywhere on the "Talking to Your Pre-Teen or Teen About Waiting" part of the website. The closest it comes is near the bottom of the section titled "What if My Teen Has Already Had Sex?" 4parents.gov has this to say: "If your teen does not decide to stop having sex, these same suggestions apply. But it's also very important that you help your son or daughter visit a health care provider to develop a plan to reduce their chances of getting pregnant or getting a sexually transmitted disease."
Contraception is covered in the "Birth Control" subsection of "Dealing with Risky Behaviors and Other Challenges" area, but the information provided is about how contraception works rather than how to talk about it. The guide for how to talk to your kids about waiting is fairly exhaustive, so why does the website not provide a similar section for parents who want to provide their children with information on how to be safer should they choose to have sex? While parental involvement and values strongly influence young people's decisions about sex, it is unrealistic to expect that everyone will abstain until marriage. This website seems to imply that the only course for a responsible parent is to advocate abstinence-only until marriage. The decision about what to tell your kids and when to tell them should be up to parents. Why is this government website making a judgment call rather than providing parents with tools to help them talk to their children about all aspects of sexual decision making?
Joe Sonka points out that the website has a bias which is strongly reflected in their section on marriage. In his blog post on RH Reality Check, Sonka summarizes what 4parents.gov has to say about marriage: "That's right, folks. Tell your kids they better get hitched to their heterosexual partner, or else you'll never have great sex and you'll die young, poor and unhappy. And whatever you do, don't talk about 'the parts'..."
The heterosexism on the website is harmful and, in some cases, lends itself to flat-out lies. The website states, "First of all, let's be clear on one important point. In general, children - and adults - do better in homes headed by a married mother and father."
That claim has been disputed by the American Academy of Pediatrics, the American Psychological Association, the American Psychiatric Association, and the National Association of Social Workers. From the Amicus Brief filed by the APA, APA and NASW:
"Indeed, the scientific research that has directly compared outcomes for children with gay and lesbian parents with outcomes for children with heterosexual parents has been remarkably consistent in showing that lesbian and gay parents are every bit as fit and capable as heterosexual parents, and their children are as psychologically healthy and well-adjusted as children reared by heterosexual parents."So, we've got a homophobic bias and no information about contraception. Sounds an awful lot like some of those failed abstinence-only programs to me.
Looking at 4parents.gov, you wouldn't know that the Obama Administration sought to defund abstinence-only programs and supports comprehensive teen pregnancy prevention initiatives. Comprehensive sex education in schools and communities is important, but parents need and deserve support in their efforts to teach their children about safer sex. 4parents.gov is in dire need of a makeover to make it "4 all parents," not just those who oppose teaching their kids about contraception.
Ed. note: I wrote this at the beginning of September but didn't have anywhere to post it at the time. I'm glad I finally found a home for it.
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